Jacks
Update 3/22 March 22, 2009
The last few days have been hell! Now that I can see an end to this mess… I will give a quick update.
After my trip to the ER for the massive Spinal Headache that I had, my headache came back about 4 hours after we got home. This headache is called a Spinal Headache because it is caused by low pressure in the cerebral spinal fluid spaces in your head and spine. This is a side effect of the spinal tap that I had on Tuesday 3/17. A Spinal tap is when the doctor places a needle into the spaces between the vertebrae and removes Cerebral Spinal Fluid from your body, the CSF is a natural fluid and its chemical make-up can tell the doctors a lot about what is going on in your brain. It is not as painful as it may sound, but it is not something I am not excited about having again soon. After you have a spinal tap or epidural, there is a hole in the lining (dura) that keeps the fluid in, this hole sometimes doesn’t heal so the fluid leaks out and causes low pressure and the worst headache you will ever have.
I had a blood patch procedure done on 3/18 to stop the leak. This is when they put a needle back into the dural space in your spine, only this time not far enough in to put another whole in the dura. The they take blood from your arm and inject it into the space in your back to clot the leaking hole closed! It is a pretty amazing procedure when it works. Usually it does work, and mine did for about 8 hours or so. Unfortunately, it doesn’t always work and then you get to be on bed rest for a few days.
I went to the eye doctor on Thursday and my eye pressure is normal and my vision has not been permanently damaged to date! The pressure that was removed from my spinal fluid lowered the pressure on my eyes. I will be going back to see the eye doctor after my body has stopped the CSF leak and the pressure is closer to a normal range.
On Friday, I went to Children’s Hospital to follow up with the doctors and nurses who treated my cancer 15 years ago! It was a good visit. My cancer is not back, in my head, brain, or any where else. They were very impressed that my doctor had ruled this out with the scans and testing that he had ordered. They also looked into several drugs I was on for chemo and their known side effects. NONE of the drugs I was treated with have been associated with the increased intercranal pressure!
All of the time from Tuesday- Sunday at about 1pm, if I was not in the car or at a doctor’s appointment, I was laying down flat on my back! This was the only way that my head did not feel like it was going to explode. It was painful. I am so glad it is gone now! Now, my regular-before the spinal tap headache is back-what to do now?
So, we have ruled out all of the major issues. No cancer, no infections, no weird stuff in my brain fluid. But we still do not have a real good reason for the headaches in the first place!
As a process of elimination I have 1 of 2 things going on. 1. Migraine headaches, which is unlikely given the characteristics of the headaches I have. 2. Papilledema and increased inter cranial pressure that is caused by oral birth control pills. With that said, I no longer take those nasty things and now I am waiting to see if they go away as my body gets rid of the artificial hormones from the pills.
So right now, my spinal headache is gone and I am able to walk around, take showers, and get out of the house! I have a few appointments next week to double check the pressure in my eyes and some blood work. I wish that this dumb illness would have not interfered with my Spring Break plans. Oh well…. I have all summer.
Spinal Tap March 17, 2009
SO….. I had the dreaded spinal tap today! Now I know what that is like. The second “new” medical thing I have done in 4 days. Today I learned that I am a very bad “bed rest” patient! I didn’t want to even be around myself. My mom was very wonderful and took good care of me. It was a long, frustrating day and I am very glad to e at home with my dog MY bed.
I am home now and waiting for the results, hopefully I will no something tomorrow and have some final answers of sorts on Friday. Please keep praying for those results, looks like I could have some sort of reoccurring and resistant infection or fungus in my spinal fluid and brain sinuses. Unfortunately they are also looking for tumor cells. PLEASE pray that they would find infection!
I will keep you all updated as I can.
This Week! March 13, 2009
This week has been long. I have had a headache for a week. I also have some other things like a low grade fever, this NASTY headache, fatigue and some abnormal blood count levels. The doctor is working hard to find the source, he is reviewing my medical history from the last several years. I have a MRI tomorrow and another doctor’s appointment on Tuesday. There are many things that could be going on, some worse than others. It is overwhelming and scary. I covet your prayers at this time. Please pray for healing, for peace, and for my doctors.
If you would like to know more details, send me a message and I can tell you more. All of this is crazy info and I am trying to make sure that I am taking care of myself!
Celebrating 15 years! March 9, 2009
Dear Friends and Family, I hope that all of you are doing well and are looking forward to spring, it is just around the corner! As you may know, this March 29th will mark 15 years since I was diagnosed with childhood cancer and December will mark 15 years cancer free! In honor of this wonderful milestone, I thought this would be a great year to sponsor an American Cancer Society Relay for Life Team. On May 1st, I hope to lead an amazing team of individuals to a goal of raising $1200.00 for the American Cancer Society. My team, “The Little Life Savers” is out to join the fight against cancer, and to raise awareness that children get cancer too! Little Life Savers desires to team up with local families of childhood cancer patients to support them and celebrate their Little Life! Did you know… • Each school day, 46 children are diagnosed with cancer. • One in 330 children will develop cancer by age 20. • Each year in the U.S. over 12,600 children are diagnosed with cancer. • Although the 5 year survival rate is steadily increasing, one quarter of children diagnosed with cancer will die 5 years from the time of diagnosis. • Cancer remains the number one disease killer of America’s children – more than Cystic Fibrosis, Muscular Dystrophy, Asthma and AIDS combined. • 80% of children have metastatic disease at time of diagnosis as compared to only 20% of adults. • There are currently more than 270,000 childhood cancer survivors in the U.S. Join us at the American Cancer Society Relay For Life® or make a donation to our team and help us support the fight against cancer! Fighting cancer is a team effort. The impact we can make together is much greater than what any of us could do alone. By supporting our team, you will be a part of a life-changing event that celebrates the lives of those who have battled cancer, remembers loved ones lost, and empowers all of us to fight back against a disease that takes too much. I know that the economy is in trouble and that we are all cutting back, but if a lot of us give a little, the impact will be huge! What we need to succeed… • 12 Team Members who can ask 5 friends for $20 each, or 20 friends who will give $5 each! If we have more than 12, we will make another team! • Donors- we need items and time too! • Items such as team t-shirts, team banner, water, snacks, and fun items o sell at Relay to raise more money to fight cancer. Please join us if you… • had cancer as a child or an adult. • have cancer and you are a child or an adult. • love someone who has or had cancer. • love people. • lost a loved one to cancer. • like to help others. • want to see a Cure in your lifetime If you would like more information, please visit the team site at http://main.acsevents.org/goto/littlelifesavers or email me at alicia2519@gmail.com. Thanks for your time!
Here’s to You Mr President! January 20, 2009
Today is a big day in our nation’s history, so much more so than previous Inauguration Days! I am excited to have gotten to see and experience some of this very special day for Pres. and First Lady Obama. Even though I did not vote for this man or agree with his ideas and political views, I am not released of my obligation to pray for my country and its leaders. God is bigger than Man, He knew this would happen, and He can still you this for His glory! So Here’s To you Mr. President, Congrats on your Special day. I have been and will continue to pray for you and your family!
A Good Use for a Sword January 18, 2009
God has used John Piper over and over and over again in my life. I am always blessed and challenged by his teachings. Today, while looking for something to read, I came across the Desiring God Blog again. I have yet to read something of Piper’s that has not convicted and challenged me and I thank God for the knowledge He has given to Piper.
In the past six months, I have been avoiding reading my Bible on any kind of consistent basis. I pick up my Bible a few times a week and flip through it to read things I have marked before or to look at passages I love. I have also read in Luke to keep up with what is being taught at Church. But that’s it!
The last few weeks have been really rough emotionally and physically. I will spare you all of the details but here is a quick update:
- December 16- Nasty Stomach Flu Round 1
- December 23-Jackson was put to sleep, I spent the previous 4 days crying and cried that entire day, still do
- December 25- Wake up to celebrate Christmas Morning and get a call from my friend. Her father was having a heart attack, I jumped in the car with Brandi and we cared for the kids for the next several hours. Jennifer’s father died and Christmas will never be the same for them, or for me for that matter. I cannot go a day without thinking about the events of that day and wishing I could take away the hurt, sadness and trauma of that day for them, especially the children.
- December 26-Tonsillectomy, for the details read this
- January 7-8- Stomach Flu Round 2
- January 13-14- Stomach Flu Round 3
On Thursday, January 15th, I was in the shower and God got my attention. It was a hard moment to come to terms with, I had finally heard God. I have backed away from Him, ministry, and relationship and it is time for that to come to an end. This was clear. I have been thinking about religion, why I believe what I do, the Reformation, the Truth, God’s Sovereignty and my walk with Him for a few weeks and have realized that i need to be reading more, but I have not done it yet. God was clear that was over. It was done, the time had come to stop having excuses and reasons not read my Bible and not actively pursue God.
It has been a weird few days, I have felt guilty, sad, mad at myslef, and convicted. I am glad I have felt this way. Thankful.Now I will turn to God and my Bible to help me turn from this sin. The Sword is for killing and that is just what I will do.
A One-Dog Household is…. January 10, 2009
Quiet, peaceful, cleaner, yet sad…
My house is now a one-dog household. We had to have Jackson put to sleep on December 23, 2008. He was eight. Jackson had been sick off and one for a few years and had had some nasty aggression spells during those times. We never had any warning when he was not feeling good, he would just act out by biting and growling. He had bitten my mom a few times, once bad. He got me in the behind once too, ripped my pants! We were never able to find out what was going on, the vet had no ideas. His blood work was all fine, his hip and shoulder X-rays were normal and his eyes and ears were fine. There was nothing, except his grumpy behavior that occurred with no rhyme or reason. The last time he bit my mom, he was sleeping on the couch and she walked by several feet from him and he jumped off the couch, cornered her in the living room and bit her three times. When I got home from work the next day, I knew it was time. He was sleepy and not eating and had thrown up a few times. In this past year he went from a healthy 92 pounds to 74 on his last visit to his vet.
We spent the next few days sad as could be over the idea of losing him. I cried for 4 days and was anxious about the coming end to his life. I felt so guilty because he was not always sick, yet I could not bear the thought of him hurting someone else, especially a child. Jackson was so good and sweet when he was comfortable. He was a fun dog: he loved to play Frisbee, fetch and tug-of-war. Jackson was a great swimmer and water retriever, he loved the doggy swim days at the city pool!
The first puppy that solely responsible for was Jackson. We had dogs growing up, but my dad always picked them out and we only ever had one puppy (who slept outside). They were all outside dogs, adult dogs and a family responsibility. Jackson was mine; I picked him out, paid for him, took care of him, trained him, and loved him. When he was a puppy I was able to take him to work with me and he did for 6 months. I still believe this is why he liked kids so much. He was priceless as a puppy; feet too big, ears too long, and clumsy as they get! He learned how to fetch and “bring it” when he was 7 weeks old and I thought I was the best dog trainer this side of the Mississippi. It took a while for me to realize that is what he was bred to do and probably did that at his first home with his liter mates and people!
That day was hard, but it was a good end to a good life. I would have not wanted it any other way. My mom and I were both there, and the vet staff were great. Leaving without him was hard and having to take Winston back since has been even worse.
I miss Jackson and Winston misses his best buddy.
Jackson will always hold a special place in my heart and in my life. I am so thankful that I got to have him. I am also thankful I knew when it was time to say goodbye. I am even more thankful for the wonderful people at my veterinarian’s office. They were compassionate, kind, gentle, loving and understanding from the day I decided we needed to put him to sleep until even this day. They grieved with me on that day and treated my with respect and compassion. I would highly recommend Banfield Pet Hospital at Petsmart, in Wentzville MO to anyone who needs a vet, they are so amazing!
I have a million and one memories of Jackson. Here are some favorites!
- Sneaking him in the house for 2 days before my mom knew I had him. I made her hold him for me before she had a chance to get mad and she was in love too!
- Him sleeping in my bed from day one, bad mistake!
- Jackson’s love for balls, toys, his stick and Frisbee
- Swimming
- Cuddling his face next to mine each day before I left the house.
- The park
- His nicknames: Jacks, JJ, and Black Dog
- Jumping 10 feet in the air to get whatever you threw for him
- Snoring so loud I swore he need a Cpap machine!
- Taking him on a youth camping trip and him being able to pick up his stick that I just threw into the pile of sticks.
- Playing hide and seek from the youth kids and him running into the woods and “finding” me and therefore revealing all of my good spots
- Getting a dozen ticks from letting him sleep in the tent on said camping trip
- Sleeping on the floor next to the fire on cold days
- Playing in the snow! He always wanted out when he saw it snowing!
- How he could curl up into a dogball and you could not even see his nose.
- Car trips to my dad’s house.
- Never having to be afraid of anyone who came to the door, because he was at my house
- Grieving the loss of my grandma, brother, and surviving a major life crisis with him as my friend, some days seemed like the only one.
- My grandma calling him “tail whomper” His tail was fierce and it hurt people when he got excited.
- Taking him to my grandma’s house on the last several weeks of her life and how he would just be calm as could be for a young pup
- Jackson loved a fresh clean bed…. Made me crazy. I would wash the sheets, put the on the bed a POOF there he was to sleep right in the middle of a clean bed.
- The ADT salesman backing away from the porch when Jacks jumped into the window. He STILL tried to sell me a alarm system from 10 feet from my front door!
- The time my mom took him to Chicago when I was out of town and he jumped out a 2nd story window because he hated the noises of the city and my mom was packing the car, he was NOT staying in Chicago!
- He also loved pork in any form…much more than any other food. He ate a whole pork roast on Mother’s Day one year. If it was pork, he knew it and was in the kitchen when it came out of the freezer.
- For 2 years I worked from home and he was always there. He was there when I was home after I quit that job and was home with David for 6 months, his presence comforting and calming
- His playful bark
- He ALWAYS met me at the door when I came home, I miss this the most!
Here are some other favorite pictures!
Tonsillectomy Recovery January 8, 2009
I had my tonsils removed on Friday, December 26th. Why, you ask, would any sane adult decide to do that over their Christmas Vacation? Well, there are many answers. 1. I did not (so far) and hopefully will not have to use any sick time. 2.I have had strep throat about 10 times in 18 months and chronic tonsillitis for the last 2-3 years. 3. I finally bit the bullet and went to see an ENT the first week of December and he suggested mandatory evacuation of the tonsils ASAP. 4. I wanted to be done with this process of illnesses before Summer Vaca! So December 26 was the day. It gave me 10 days to recover before school started again, I would not have to use sick time (hopefully) and my mom would be around for a few days to help me.
A tonsillectomy is a fast and simple procedure. It generally takes between 20 minutes and an hour, you have general anesthesia and intubation tube. They clamp the tonsil tissue cut and then cauterize the area so you don’t bleed to death. On the day of the surgery, I started to wheeze and my asthma flared up big time. I was not worried, but the anesthesia doctor was not to excited. I had to have a breathing treatment for my asthma pre-op due to the complications of intubation and anesthesia. This turned out fine, and my surgery was under way.
The next thing I knew I was waking up. I had a terrible time breathing, I was coughing uncontrollably, my throat VERY BAD and I could not keep my body and head still. It was a bit scary. My nurse was wonderful! She started talking to me to clam me down and helped me hold my head still. I have always had this kind of reaction to the medication they give you for surgery. When I was finally able to stop coughing and had breathing treatment, I had just a little pain. On the way home, my mom got me a shake from Chick-Fil-A and I had Mac and Cheese that night! I was put on some major doses of antibiotics to stop my infection from the tonsil from spreading to the rest of my body. My tonsils were very infected! Of course, most of you know what large doses on antibodies due to your stomach, unfortunately I had severe diarrhea for the next 2 weeks.
I felt great the next 2 days, minus the asthma issues! I was able to eat a few things, we celebrated Christmas with my brother and his wife, and I was able to drink lots of water. At this point I thought that the surgery was a whole lot easier that my doctor had explained. I was pretty much feeling the same for Monday through Thursday of the next week. On Thursday night I got extremely sick, I vomited several times and had some bleeding in my throat. My level of pain shot through the roof and I was emotionally unstable. I still had not eaten more that just a few VERY small meals, some popsicles here and there and water. I was spending most of my days completely unconscious and my pain medication was almost gone! (Oh NO) The second pain medication that I was prescribed mad me have vivid, scary nightmares. I had to come upstairs after taking it because it made me see body parts (like heads and legs) floating around the basement and it did nothing for my pain level. As my pain increased my fluid intake decreased. My Friday morning I had a red, bumpy and painful ash in my mouth to boot. I was miserable. After 3 phone calls to the doctor we realized that I had reached maximum level of pain relief of the dose of vicodin that I was on and that I probably had thrush. I was also very dehydrated which leads to more pain post tonsillectomy. Thankfully, he treated all three conditions aggressively and we avoided a hospital admission. My pain medication was increased, I got medication for the thrush, and I was able to drink after my pain was decreased. I was a thankful patient!
On Saturday, 8 days post OP, I was able to eat my first real food. I had tuna salad, chips, and cooked carrots! Who chooses that? Oh well I was hungry and that was my turning point of healing! I was able to function somewhat even on the pain medication after I was able to eat again. I returned to work on schedule and had a very little pain. By day ten, had very minimal pain. I was relived to have a “ice day” off of school the second scheduled day back however. I did have to take a sick day for the first bout of the stomach flu in January. It took my body a lot of rest and sleep to heal and I listened to my body. I still; have not done a lot of thins except rest and drink water! I had another round of the stomach flu this past week in which I puked more time in three hours than I ever did in nine months of chemo therapy ( I am NOT kidding.) I am starting to feel closer to normal and each day have a diminished need for sleep…. Back to 7-8 hours!
All in all, this surgery was not near as painful as I thought it was going to be. I expected MUCH more pain the first few days post op, but I never expected to still be so sore the next week. I am glad it is done and over with and I am thankful to have the cause of many infections and 3 years worth of strep throat gone and out of my life! I had a wonderful appointment with my ENT a few days ago. It was 16 days post op and he said my throat was healed past what he would expect to see at day 28! Yeah God!
