I heard from the doctor yesterday afternoon about my biopsy and its great news! The mass is benign, NO CANCER!

From here I will see the surgeon on September 28th to make a plan of action to treat and, most likely, remove the mass.

Thank you for your love and support!

Yesterday was my needle biopsy. We left really early in the morning to make sure that we made it on time due to construction near Barnes and tons of morning traffic. We made in there in 45 minutes. So we have to wait an hour and a half for my appointment! Oh well, you win some you lose some and you definitely learn some! Yesterday morning was a reflective morning as I sat there thinking… My original biopsy for my Hodgkin’s was also on a Friday morning, but Dad took me. Mom stayed home to get the boys, Matt and David, off to school and then she came down the SLCH. It was a horrifying day in my 15 year old mind. I remember that when it was time to go back to have surgery I just started crying and literally would not let go of my dad, and the start Children’s just waited. It seemed like forever, but I think it was bout 5 minutes. Then they walked me into the operating room and started my IV and all the pre-op stuff. I woke up with this horrible bandage on my chest. Even though the had explained my port-a-cath to me three times, I had no idea what the reality of it actually was. I was horrified when I saw it the first time. I remember standing there in the bathroom alone and I just started to cry. I did not want this thing in my chest, I did not want cancer, I did not want to loose my hair, I did not want to have all this pain I felt. I just wanted to go home.

Well I felt a little bit like that yesterday too! I did not want to be in that waiting room, I knew what lie before me. More needle sticks in my neck and pain that I did not want, but most importantly, biopsy results I don’t want.

Of course they are necessary at this point and we must have them to go on, but I am scared and after the radiologist confirmed that this nodule looks suspicious for malignancy I am even more scared.

I wasn’t expected the biopsy to be any big deal yesterday, I thought i would be in and out in 15-20 minutes with a few needle sticks and on my way with just minimal pain…. What I lie I told myself! I was 8 needle sticks, it took about an hour, and my neck it still sore 24 hours later. I can’t swallow, couch, move, and especially sneeze without pain. Hopefully in the next day or two the swelling and pain will go down.

Trying to wait patiently for biopsy result s that you don’t want it a joke… one without a funny answer.

I’ll update again soon.
Thanks for your love and support.

Alicia

Source: I Am a Childhood Cancer Survivor Forty Years. It is Never “Over.”

I am no good at being patient and waiting. I am learning that things in the adult cancer world work on a much slower time frame than that of the pediatric cancer world. When I was diagnosed in 1994 with Hodgkin’s Lymphoma I was admitted to the hospital the same day that we were told that they suspected that I had lymphoma. I had a biopsy three days later and then started cheap three days after that. There was none of this wait a week here and schedule a surgeon appointment 5 weeks away business. I don’t understand how this works yet, and its VERY frustrating. I think you have to know people who know people, or have a secret passcode, or know someone on the inside or something… I thought I had my in… We shall see.

For now, waiting is all I can do and its making the anxiety build. Friday feels like years from now, but it also seems very close when I think about the procedure. That’s the thing about anxiety, it’s a tricky monster.

Update 8/23

Sundays evenings are maddening to me. I just don’t want the weekend be over, yet I doctor’s offices to be open and things to do to keep my mind occupied.

As long as my mind is occupied, I am usually not thinking about things that cause my to be anxious. Sometimes, however, the only things I can think about are doctors appointments, procedures, copays, meeting a new medical team, big scary words, physical pain, fear, and doubt. This weekend has been no walk in the park for sure. The time away from school gave me some time to regroup a little, but I spent most of it resting and doing very little of anything else.

I think I am going to see some goals for my self in terms a rest like activities that I can do in the evenings and weekend once we have a biopsy date and some other surgery dates scheduled. I think that doing some reading and small sewing projects will help keep my mind busy and still allow my body the rest it requires. We will see how things play out here in this next week.

Here I am on a Sunday night, home alone, feeling kind of blah… no real purpose or drive… just more waiting for tomorrow’s phone call.

Do you think the people that make those phone calls know the weight that we carry waiting for that call? Do you think that they know THAT call plans our next 1-2 weeks of life? And could change the course of our lives forever? I think the person making my phone call might have an idea, but I am not sure.

Hello Everyone…

It is with a heavy heart that I am writing to you today. I have been under going some testing in the past week after an initial CT scan that revealed a mass on my thyroid. The initial CT was for another mass in my neck that is a salivary gland that is either infected and hardened or has calcified due to another medical issue. I am seeing an ENT next week to discuss the treatment for that. The mass on my thyroid, however, is of much greater concern. My doctor has completed all of the initial testing (CT scan and ultrasound) that can be done to look at it, and it is a sizable mass that needs to be removed and biopsied. He has referred me to my oncologist (the one I saw for my lymphoma many years ago) and I have left them a message this evening.

The next step in all of this mess is to have a biopsy done to determine if this mass in cancerous or not. The type of biopsy will depend on what the oncologist thinks of the scans, the options are a needle biopsy (which will be less invasive) or removal of the mass.

The waiting time and uncertainty in this process is very difficult. To top off all this mess I also now have may kidney stones that my body has decided it is time to get rid of! It has not been a fun week, but there have been moments of grace and peace throughout! I am thankful that I have a primary doctor who is on the ball, through, and patient with me and I am thankful that I have access to good medical care and good medical insurance!

Please join me in prayer as time passes and things move forward from this point. There are so many things that seem uncertain, that I don’t even know what to ask you to pray for other than the obvious…healing.

Thanks for your love and support!

Alicia

I am thankful that I live in a place where I can receive quick and fairly painless dental work. Today, I got a root canal on the BAD tooth. After I woke up this afternoon after a short “numb mouth” nap, I have realized that I am lucky to have dental insurance, good dentists, and pain medication.

So tonight, I try to rest and manage the pain, and remain thankful.

 

 

Last night as I was trying to fall asleep, one of my teeth start hurting really bad. I let it go for a while thinking that I could fall asleep and it would be gone in the morning. WRONG, it just got worse. Around 10:30 I took some ibuprofen and hoped for the best…

I was awake at 12am, 2a, 3a, 3:30am, 5am, 6am, 7am, and went to the dentist at 8:20am. I tried ice, heat, migraine pain meds, and more ibuprofen. And I called the dentist’s office at 3:30 am to see when they opened. It was a long night.

Now I know how Tom Hanks’ character knocked out a sore tooth with and ice skate in Cast Away! I was thinking about looking for an ice skate early this morning. Thank God I didn’t find one though, I would have knocked out the wrong tooth!

This morning the dentist took some X-rays and used his omnivious voice when he said the words “root canal”.  I am anxiously waiting for 1pm to get here for an emergency root canal for an abscessed tooth. I am on a “no medication order” until then so they can give me what they need to when I get there and so that it is easiest to find which nerves are acting up. Now that I can see the light at the end of the tunnel, I feel a little better.

Looking forward to being numb for a while and then having the pain causing junk removed! My poor tooth…..

 

 

 

Birthday Cakes

Birthday Selfie!